


Blank Mind

by Cadoan



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe-ish, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Psychological Torture (mentioned), Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 23:44:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8867926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: "Bodhi woke up with a start, breathing hard and laboured and cold sweats all over his body. His eyes darted around the room, his panic mind and feverish dreams had taken him back to Saw Gerrerra's base. He relaxed only marginally as he didn't see the stone and metals bars of the prison in the base just outside Jedha. He only saw metal and a spray painted symbol of the Rebel Alliance."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I realize there's no actual space in the movie for this scene to take place, but I don't really care. I wanted to write this, so I did. Enjoy!

Every time Bodhi was alone, it came back to him. The mind torture of Bor Gullet. Well, he wasn't sure it was mind torture, but when he'd described it to Jyn and Cassian, they'd both looked disgusted and very alarmed. Cassian had insisted it was torture, and Jyn had almost refused to believe that Saw would do something like that, but you could see in her eyes that she believed Bodhi.

It was fine for the most part, when he was occupied with something. It was fine when he was piloting, or carrying crates, or planning an attack against the imperial army. He knew he wasn't the same as before Bor Gullet, could feel it in his bones and the face that his thoughts drifted more often than not, as if they were swimming away from him... but for the most part, he managed to keep it together. He concentrated real, real hard, used the discipline whipped into him in the imperial army, and managed to carry on.

Sometimes, he noticed, from the corner of his eye, how Cassian stared at him. Watched him. At first, Bodhi didn't know if it was because the rebel didn't trust him and wanted to make sure that he didn't do anything suspicious, or if it was something else. He supposed it was the former. But even so, even after he'd proven he could be trusted, Cassian continued staring at him. He always knew when, because he got this little chill down his spine. Eventually, he thought Cassian might be making sure he wasn't losing his mind, always watching him like that.

When he was alone however, and it was silent around him, it came back. He felt like he was suffocating, everything around him dark and cold. He felt completely alone, apart from the terrifying entity invading every nook and cranny of his mind, making him feel as if his thoughts were no longer his. That he was no longer himself, shattering him into an infinite amount of small pieces impossible to pick back up. He had no clue for how long he'd been in that jail cell when a voice had pushed through the darkness to him. He remembered a pair of warm, brown eyes and a rugged face. A fellow prisoner, pushing and probing and coaxing him to remember who he was.

Bodhi woke up with a start, breathing hard and laboured and cold sweats all over his body. His eyes darted around the room, his panic mind and feverish dreams having had taken him back to Saw Gerrerra's base. He relaxed only marginally as he didn't see the stone and metals bars of the prison in the base just outside Jedha. He only saw metal and a spray painted symbol of the Rebel Alliance.

"Hey. Hey you."

A hand was on his cheek, and he looked down, to his left, where the voice came from. It was dark in the room, but he still could see Cassian's face. The man looked like he'd just woken up, eyes still half lidded with sleep.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, please go back to sleep-"

Cassian silenced him by lifting his other and to his lips, putting up his index finger in a hushing gesture. Then, he shook his head.

"Don't excuse yourself." He took away the other hand and propped himself up on his elbow. He let his other hand glide away from Bodhi's cheek, back to his neck instead. He let his hand dissappear into Bodhi's long hair, softly fisting some of it. "Come here." Cassian's voice dropped down low, and a shudder went through Bodhi's body. He couldn't pin point what it was about the man that captivated him so. Bodhi leaned down towards Cassian and pressed their lips together. Cassian's hand in his hair tightened just the slightest bit when Bodhi opened his mouth, letting Cassian's tongue in. Bodhi felt himself relax, his shoulders dropping down and that strain in his neck that always seemed to be there slowly disappearing and melting away. The kiss grew hotter and heavier, Cassian sucking Bodhi's lower lip into his mouth and the grip in Bodhi's hair growing firmer still.

"Lie down, let me..."

Bodhi did as told, lying down on his back. Cassian was immediately hovering above him, eyes dark not only because of the lack of light in the room, his mouth half open from the kiss. Bodhi raised both his hands and entangled them in Cassian's hair, pulling him down for one more kiss. When it was over, Cassian pressed openmouthed kissed down Bodhi's body, making him shiver with lust and anticipation. When Cassian wrapped his mouth around Bodhi's erection, Bodhi's mind went completely blank, but not in the way he was used to nowadays. It was like a whitehot blankness, filling his limbs and his mind not in a threatening way, but in a way he wanted to experience again and again and again. Cassian worked him over with expert mouth, tongue and hands, and it didn't take too long before Bodhi's back arched off the bed and he came undone. Bodhi was lying there panting when Cassian's face was floating above him again. Bodhi raised his arms again, this time heavy with a kind of tiredness that was completely different to what he was used to feeling around the clock, and pulled the rebel fighter down for yet another kiss. He could taste himself on Cassian's tongue, and all of that, paired with the way Cassian was softly stroking his thumb across Bodhi's cheek, overwhelmed him. Large, heavy tears started to escape his eyes and roll down his cheeks. Cassian framed his face and made hushing noises.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm here." Cassian pressed a kiss to Bodhi's forehead before lying down next to him. He still didn't let go of the former-imperial pilot, but instead held him as close as physically possible. Bodhi clung to the other man as if he was a life raft, crying in a way he hadn't done in many, many years. Eventually, he fell asleep with Cassian whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and he slept deeply and calmly. 

**Author's Note:**

> I love Bodhi so much. Bodhi my baby. <3


End file.
